Things That Are Real

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Five Years Old

 

  • The green umbrella we shared that July evening when neither of our mothers were watching. The way you held my hand – your fingers wrapped so tightly around my own.

 

  • Your anger when that other boy pushed me off my bike on accident. The rainbow in the sky and your hand placed protectively under my scraped knee as I cried on the pavement.

 

  • The house we built from chairs and blankets and toys in the veranda. The dolls I cradled in my arms like our babies and the clay bread I served you with a smile when you came home from work.

 

  • The day you pulled me against your chest to show me how my head barely reached your nose. Your steady breath on my forehead and my foot making circles in the dirt beside your toes.

 

  • Your wet, trembling lips against my warm cheek and the thundering of my heart in my chest. A curious parrot watching and my mother calling me for dinner from far, far away.

 

  • The last hug we shared and my promise to call before getting into the car. And the little strip of paper with your number that I lost long before I reached my destination.

 

  • My bones trying desperately to run to you and the ropes pulling me back from your waiting arms. The conviction that you were the last real thing I felt before I fell.

 

  • Your fading memory that I hold onto so hard. And the cuts and bruises that the ropes inflict on my struggling fingers.

 

  • Fingers that want nothing but yours wrapped around them like they did so many years ago. Like they might never do again.
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Waiting

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Days of silence,

Months of neglect,

Years of hatred,

Love’s palace wrecked.

Second of affection,

Minute of attention,

Moment of connection,

Then another rejection.

Words of comfort,

Words of passion,

Pour forth swiftly

Like arduous ration.

Laughs of today,

Tears of tomorrow,

You leave me again

To my eternal sorrow.

~Diksha

A Hard Choice

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Heartbeat

In overdrive,

Breathing

Laboured

And terrified,

Eyes

Closed shut

Tight,

I hover

Between life

And death,

Wondering

Whether

To give in

And jump

Over the

Precipice.

~Diksha

The Beginning of the End

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Take me back

To the time my steps were small

And there was always someone to save me

From each and every fall.

Take me back

To the time my mum was my world,

My dad was my superhero

And life, just a mystery to be unfurled.

Take me back

To the time the giggles were real,

When life was so simple

And love wasn’t a deal.

Take me back

To the time when it all began,

I’ll try to turn my feet around

And change the course of the plan.

~Diksha

Worm

 

It slithers

Inside my brain –

Creeping around,

Inside out,

Making it’s way

Between all

The dead,

All the decay.

It crawls

Through the labyrinth,

Suckling on

The dirt,

Feasting on all

The grime,

The dust

Of my sins.

It slinks

Amongst the ruins,

Trailing around

My pain,

Goading me on,

Mocking me

For my filthy,

Uncouth offence.

~Diksha

Darling, I Wish…

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Darling, I wish

I could go back in time –

Wipe your tears away,

Hold your hand in mine.

Darling, I wish

I could watch you while you sleep

When you’re at your most vulnerable –

See everything you’ve buried deep.

Darling, I wish

I could keep you with me forever –

Spend my entire life with you,

Be parted from you, never.

Darling, I wish

I could love you a little less

Or maybe gather enough courage

To look you in the eye and finally confess.

~Diksha

Touch

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Hands

Sliding down

My nervous skin

Like water

Cascading through

The gentle gaps

Between the rocks –

Streaming in.

~Diksha

Drowning Reality

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Blurry eyes

And clouded vision –

My own mind

Feels like a prison.

Desperate fingers

Struggling in the smoke,

Trying to grasp reality

Which is but a joke.

The chaos in my head,

Like a bottomless pool,

Threatens to drown me –

The delusional fool.

Here in the water,

With no air to breathe,

I flail around, terrified,

Of the monster underneath.

My screams go unheard

And fighting is no use,

My throat feels choked

By an invisible noose.

Limbs getting paralysed,

I strain my eyes to see

But I might as well be blind

For down here, it’s just you and me.

~Diksha

Tit-for-tat

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The fire

In my soul

Refuses to subside;

My need

To murder – I can

No longer hide.

The day

You touched me

A part of me died;

And a bit more

When I saw

How you’d lied.

Now sit back

And enjoy

The bloody ride,

For now

It’s my turn

To break your pride.

~Diksha

The Devil’s Plaything

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Breathless, I strain

Against the pull of the puppet string –

Trapped, encaged

In the confines of the circus ring.

Like a demonic sadist,

You torture me like a mere plaything.

From one crazy height

To another of insanity you swing.

Flirting with madness,

You revel in your lunatic fling;

Forcing me on the tightrope,

You laugh at how I struggle to cling.

You pull at me harder

Just to relish in how my screams sing,

For I am your puppet

And you, insanity’s best circus king.

~Diksha

 

Image source: https://in.pinterest.com/pin/485262928576155289/